Sunday, July 25, 2004

The Unbearable in the Ordinary

Today has been incredibly challenging for me. Everything, from the click of these keys under my fingers to the way my hair blows under the breeze of the fan, has been driving me NUTS! The most mundane, pedestrian events are like nails on a chalkboard. It's been all beast and no beauty.

For example, my fiance, my parents and I were chatting about our lives and our plans. I couldn't stop noticing that my mom was playing with the fringe of her placemat and everytime the edge of the placemat left the table, I felt this stab of irritation vibrate through the my core. Even writing about it now makes me want to run around the house screaming and breaking things, just to expel this quirky energy.

I'm so happy that I don't have children right now because I shudder to think of how my lack of patience would impact them. Hmmm...that's a great way to think about my day. If we all start everyday with a certain amount of patience—picture a glass of water—I started today with a paltry collection of droplets instead of the requisite glass, full to the brim. I started today with so little patience that within 20 minutes of waking up, my tank was on empty.

Stupid things I wouldn't normally notice are obscene to me. The fact that my animals are shedding makes me want to throw a tantrum. The way my air conditioner hums when it runs has me pulling out my hair. A glitch in my diet has me twisted up inside.

If I feel this way tomorrow, I'm going to the gym to exhaust myself with exercise because I think that my exhaustion will balance this irritation. This is the downside of the upswing, the black cloud on the silver lining, the mole on Brad Pitt's bum.