Saturday, September 23, 2006

The Daily Grind

So, after about 18 months of unemployment, I finally got a job. I just finished up my first week and I'm happy to report that I think that I'll be able to stick with this until Brendan graduates from Notre Dame. I'm keeping my fingers crossed though.

One of the things about having a mental illness is that for me, it's not necessarily something that's acute all the time. It comes and goes, flaring up with ferocious intensity and slinking away into the shadows. I live in constant anticipation of the next time my mind is going to freak out on me and the hardest part of my new job hasn't been adjusting to working or learning the ropes of a new routine. The hardest part has been overcoming my personal anxieties that I'll be overwhelmed by my own mental hang ups and find myself incapacitated.

But I keep telling myself that if 90% of life is just showing up, then I can do that. Maybe life is all about taking baby steps, about not thinking about climbing the entire mountain when you have 10,000 feet to go.

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude, but sometimes, that can be very challenging. I'm naturally a bit pessimistic. Sigh.