Thursday, August 19, 2004

Everybody's Coming to Get Me

Or maybe I'm out to get them. I can't quite decide.

There are so many times in my life that I've just hated other people and hated to be around them. In fact, for as long as I can remember, I would spend quite a bit of time by myself. I remember crying to my mom that I didn't have friends when I was a child.

At this point, I just don't really care if people like me. I'm content to spend large chunks of time by myself.

As an undergrad, I was baffled by the fact that other people would wait to go to dinner until a friend could accompany them. Some people were so dependent that they would only take classes with their friends.

I enjoy going places by myself. I'll go to the movies, museums and restaurants alone. I find the quiet comforting. I dread polite conversations brought on by unnecessary interaction with people I don't particularly like or care about.

A lot of the time, I feel like people are judging me and frankly, I'm too exhausted from holding myself together to care what most people think. I don't trust many people. I don't trust other people's intentions. I think most people collect friends as status symbols and if someone offered them a million bucks to stab you, they probably would.

I hate people today. I feel like no one understands me, like people are just looking for any excuse to toss me to the dogs.

Grrr. Stupid people being all dumb.