Sunday, October 31, 2004

Let there be LIGHT

Even though we live in Arizona, both my mom and I notice that we tend to slow down a little bit as the amount of daylight lessens. As I headed into my winter blues last year, my Dad bought me a light box to use as an adjunct to medicines. At the time, I didn't think it was working at all, but this year, that light box has become a miniature mecca I turn to at least once a day.

The theory, explained decently by a retailer in Alaska, maintains that less daylight means irritability, depression, lessened libido and massive carb cravings. Ha! And I thought that was just a natural part of Thanksgiving!

Anyway, using my light box, I've managed to stick to my nine hour sleep schedule without too many problems. I still have a very low threshold for stress; stupid things like cleaning my cats' litterbox will loom like mammoth projects when in actuality, they take about two minutes and dramatically improve my quality of life.

In the past couple of days, I've become very frustrated with the state my life. Last week, provigil put me into a bit of a medicinal haze and I couldn't escape from its stupifying clutches. This week, I'm itchy to be back on top of my game.

Looking at my mood chart for the past month helps me understand my confusion about how to articulate my state of being. One day I'm up, the next day I'm down. I'll spend five days up and the next week down. I've never been a rapid cycler. Usually I fall into deep depressions that lift into shorter hypomanic periods. Pinging between the two is confusing.

The mystery remains.