Friday, March 18, 2005

The Constructive and the Deadly

Upon reading this story about a comedian who killed herself, I find myself thinking about why some thoughts become actions and some don't. Obviously, this comedian was having serious issues with getting her medication and as anyone who has changed medications could tell you, coming off a med is not a stable time for anyone. Coming off a med unexpectedly is plain old stupid and intensely uncomfortable.

But alas, I digress. I think I have a lot in common with this here comedian. I'm sure that we're both sad because the weather sucks. Depression breeds hopelessness which breeds negativity which infects every happy scenario you could think of. Seriously, I get so negative sometimes that when my brain is like "you should go take a walk. that will cheer you up." I just sit there and think, "I could take a walk, but I'd probably get hit by a car, and end up a quadraplegic for life." D'oh!

Anyway, my whole point here is what people do with their thoughts. Sure, I might be really down and really sad and really hopeless and negative, but when I feel like I can't take it anymore, I go lay down in my nice comfy bed. Inevitably, one of my cats will come join me for a nap and then I tell myself that when I wake up, things will be better. Typically, that works. I mean, no one has enough mental energy to stay in a hyperactive depression for very long. Besides, life can't be that bad with an adorable, drooling kitten snuggling up to the small of your back.

I guess my point is that there's a point that comes around when you have the choice to start thinking about jumping off the Sears Tower or to think about how, someday, you'll have the coolest marine aquarium around. Sometimes all you can do is distract yourself until it passes.

I often think that bipolar is like a thunderstorm. In the worst parts, you might want to shrivel up and sink into a black hole, but then you'd miss how the air smells after the storm. Awww. This reminds me of how my kittens are afraid of thunder, but curious about rain and when we have thunderstorms, they'll RUN under the bed and HIDE when it thunders, but they'll venture out to see the rain. And the process repeats itself.

Awww. See, I started writing this post all sad because another person with bipolar took the easy way out instead of fighting the good fight and I'm ending it with the adorable image of my kittens peaking their heads out from under the bed to be sure everything is safe.

That's why we need to be patient. This too shall pass and when it does, the light will look even more beautiful.