Monday, January 24, 2005

California Dreamin

When I was a little kid, I used to love the snowy weather. I associate the snow with fun—shoveling, building forts, hot cocoa, snowball fights. Now, I'm slowly learning better. The snow is a freakin pain in the ass. My car is frozen and filthy, but I can't clean it because my hose would die. My dog shivers in the snow.

The sun rises after 8 am here. WHAT!?! I suppose that living in LA and Phoenix for the past six years has spoiled me rotten. I'm soft. I can deal with 115, but this 8 (Fahrenheit, not Celsius!) crap needs to end immediately if not sooner. What keeps people going here? How do they get their work-outs? I mean, I would walk my dog religiously in Phoenix. Here in South Bend, both of us prefer to run outside and get back in the warmth as soon as he finishes his business.

Moving officially sucks. I was writing to my parents, trying to figure out why I feel so damn sad. My conclusion was fairly brilliant. I'm freakin bummed out because I just moved to a new place, I don't have friends here, I don't have a job and I hardly ever leave the house unless I'm applying for jobs that I'm ridiculously overqualified for but need desperately. Yep. I can't blame bipolar for this depression.

Although, my bipolar tends to exacerbate regular ole depressions. If a regular depression is like trying to keep your head above the water when you're utterly exhausted, a bipolar depression is like attaching chains and anvils to your legs. Right now, I feel like my synapses are playing this lovely game wherein I'm trying to keep swimming and these little imps are trying to slap on their fiendish shackles to drag me down. Ugh.

Oh, And, I bought my drugs today. Seeing as how I'm unemployed and I'm not carrying good health insurance right now (yup, I've got catasrophic coverage and that's it), these bastards were just horrible.

One month of lithium: $36.00
One month of wellbutrin: $321.00
Three months of lexapro: $238.00
Three months of seasonale: $137.00

Damn dude. Like, after I pay my rent and pay for these drugs, I'm going to have to support me, Brendan, the kittens and the dog on, well, nothing. Oh money tree, where art thou?

Forgive my self-indulgent whining. I'm rather cranky.