Tuesday, May 31, 2005


Unemployment strikes again, not that I mind too terribly. While I don't mind working, I have to confess that this past temporary job was an exercise in administrative inefficiency and frustration. My supervisors purposefully kept me out of the loop and as such, I was unable to perform my duties excellently and I'm a big fan of excellence. Honestly, I can deal with a crappy job, but I hate feeling like I'm a bad employee. I'm a good machine cog. I like positive feedback. I suppose we all do.

So, now that I have some time to myself, I've been enjoying doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. Ahhh.

And I have some questions.

Why do women wear high heels that smoosh their little toes?
Why do people who work at the post office seem either miserable or happy, but never just alright?
If we can make a hybrid car, why can't we make a movie theatre ticket seller microphone that actually transmits words instead of static?
Why do little towns have streets where the left lane turns into a left turn only lane without advanced warning?
After the road kill folks pick up their carcasses du jour, where do they put em?
Why is it that Wolf Blitzer can be a successful media personality but all of his female counterparts have to look like Twiggy (Amanpour aside, of course. She's around because she speaks 8,000 languages)?
Why is it that I can be so unhappy while my cats are content with a soft spot to sleep?
Why does the city of South Bend have such crappy side walks?
If the internet is so revolutionary, why can't I find a job with it?
Why is it that when a Mormon needs help (say finding a job), they go to their church while when a Catholic needs help, we're shit out of luck?
Is it okay to look at my old boss and think that she wouldn't last 5 minutes in NYC with people who are actually important?
How can a mushroom mysteriously disappear in an aquarium? For that matter, how can star polyps do the same?
Can tangs become obese and if so, is it wrong to think that's adorable?
Is it okay to really need money, but refuse to work at Starbucks (sorry Adra!)?
Is it okay to be pissy because books are expensive when you buy them, but cheap when you sell them?
Is it okay to be jealous of those freaks out there who have everything all figured out at 22?
Is it okay to be FREAKING OUT because your birthday is coming and you don't feel like you've done that much with the last year of your life?
Can a person actually be stressed out by the fact that they have to move in 2 years?
Is it worth it to set up a mini propagation tank to sell coral to subsidize my other aquarium expenditures?
Why is plumbing so easy, and yet so incredibly confusing?
Who decided to call plumbing parts male and female?
In fact, who decided to name anything what it's named?
Is it wrong to want to stomp around swearing when you discover that your local Home Depot will not allow dogs in it, even though it's a fucking hardware store? What, is the dog going to drool on your nuts?
Is it wrong to desperately wish you had a dagger so that when the incompentent cashier at Home Depot tells you she can't do returns, you can stab her through the heart and use her blood to paint fuck you on the exit door?
Why does every goddam stoplight in South Bend have a lefthand turn signal except the one on Edison and SR 20?
Do my cats get lonely?
Is it okay to super glue Brendan's testicle to his leg because he hasn't done laundry in two weeks even though he said he would?
Is it sad that my current inspiration comes from the African Tree frog I bought at Walmart for $2.97?

Yep. These questions aren't exciting. Nothing deep or profound.

I'm feeling a bit like I'm a thick fog; I can't see or hear very much and every breath I take is laboured because the air seems thick. It's like I'm swimming in jello.

Hmm. If that's the case, I hope it's strawberry jello. mmmmjello.