Wednesday, April 06, 2005


Picture a guitar chord right after it's been plucked--an ample representation of my moods.

Yesterday, I was bawling on Brendan, complaining about everything from our apartment to my job so my extra belly flub. Today, I'm content to be at work. I've been watching my new betta fish, Patriot, swim around his tiny betta cube and his tail swishing movements are hypnotically relaxing.

I don't quite understand where this new wave of instability has come from. I can only hope that it passes soon so that I can get on with doing that thing I do. I miss the days when the students dropped in on me more frequently and I could rib them about the MCAT, a gorilla on the horizon they were all so desperate to ignore. Alas, the MCATs are this weekend and my crop of potential future doctors is hunkering down for some serious studying.

I'm feeling angry with myself today. I feel like I've been running a fantastic race and then I stepped in cement and now I've stopped to try to pick the cement out of my shoe instead of dusting myself off and running some more.

And, I discovered today in the mirror that I have serious back fat. Believe me, no woman wants to look in the mirror and see back fat oozing over the lines of their bra. Not to mention that the shadow of my belly button is visible through this shirt. But it matched my skirt so well. Of course, it's hot today and because I'm wearing a skirt, my thighs are rubbing together and they sweat and stick to one another--supremely uncomfortable. I even did the ole trick of tossing some baby powder on my thighs, to no avail. Ugh. These are the concerns that skinny people never have to think about. But at least I have boobs.

And fish! Despite a rather tenuous financial situation, Brendan and I decided to keep our marine fish tank going. Little by little, we'll add livestock and rock until it looks fantastic, which it already does, but you know what I mean. The most wonderful thing about marine aquariums is that, barring a few necessities, it's actually better to add livestock to them slowly.

Of course, the best thing about it is watching the fish zoom around like little maniacs when the cats come around and start pawing the glass. I was thinking that some day, when I start my cattery (like a cat kennel), I'll put an aquarium in there and write it off on my taxes as a business expense. Well, at least part of it. The cats have to be entertained while they're away from home after all!

This whole emotional volatility thing is slightly worrisome. I'm sure it will pass eventually--or not.

Maybe a girl needs to get all snot-nosed and sobby before she wins the lottery.

hey, you never know.