Monday, April 04, 2005

Stumbling after another day

Right around 4pm, I always get so tired. It's as if my eyelashed gorge themselves at 3pm and settle into a post-prandial daze just as my workday is starting to wind down. Not that it ever particularly winds up, but if it did, I think that by 4pm, I would feel tired and ready to go home and play with my pets.

This exhaustion stays with me for the rest of the night. It's like being covered in gooey vaseline and trying to wipe it off with vaseline covered hands. I'm completely compliant to its will. Naturally, this makes doing regular chores like dishes or making dinner more difficult.

The light and the coming of spring have made me happier, but I still can't shake this supremely tired, lackluster feeling. I suppose my attitude is fatalistic; I trudge to work everday and while I do enjoy my job, I could have done it when I was 11. I need more stimulation and challenge or my brain truly will wither inside my skull, becoming smooth as an undisturbed pond instead of wrinkley, like an old person's smile. I'm sure that I'll look back on this time with regret because I could have done more but didn't.

Alas. I can cope with disappointment. I started a saltwater fish tank and that baby keeps me going through my workday. I've read about corals and filters and water purification. I love this hobby. I can come home, stare at my fish and play with the kittens. There's something amazingly comforting about watching my fish goof around with each other. They are so enchanting.

So off I go, to watch them swim in this little piece of ocean trapped in my living room.